It was Christmas Eve in 2009 when I sat at the hospital bedside of my Mum, with my brother, sister and other close relatives. Mum was not going to live much longer. She was riddled with cancer and now seemingly in a state of unconsciousness.
As the day passed slowly passed into the evening, Mum’s body continued to fight to stay alive. We knew that was what she was doing - fighting to remain on earth. My brother and I remained with her throughout those dark hours, knowing that any one of her slow, snatched and shallow breaths could be the last one.
As midnight drew nearer, we remarked that it would be typical of Mum to hang on until Christmas day. And she did. Shortly into the very early hours of the 25th Mum did indeed take her final breath on earth.
At the time, all of us remarked how Christmas day was now always going to be the day Mum passed. Like a drop of black paint added to pure white paint, there was a tiny sense of annoyance that the one special day of the year was now forever slightly different.
Everyone of us will have stories of a loved one passing over on a special date. Fact is that passing away on Christmas day is extremely common and the chances of dying on that day is higher than any other day of the year.
A Swiss study also discovered that there is a 14% more chance of dying on your own birthday. How about that for timing? When combined with the higher chance of dying on Christmas day, it’s clear to appreciate that somewhere, someone is going to lose a relative or friend on either of those two dates.
But add your own birth date, and all the dates of others in the close family circle to the mix. Then add anniversary dates, such as weddings, retirements, operations, holiday dates, bank holidays, and so on you’ll soon realise that if we could have a choice of when our loved one passes, there would be fewer dates than you could imagine to choose from.
My family all believed that my Mum deliberately passed on Christmas day, because that’s what she’d have chosen to do. She liked the attention and loved being in the spotlight. The truth is, this is another kind of pathetic fallacy, where the conditions match the occasion.
Of course, the truth is, I don’t know what deep inner thoughts are going on in those final hours. Perhaps some instinctive desire to survive was still working within Mum and she’d set a goal to make it to Christmas for her own reasons. But my belief is that when the moment comes, we have zero control of when it will be. Dates and times don’t play any role in the afterlife. They are merely ways we mark our life here on earth on a linear timeframe.
But if you were looking for evidence to support a weak claim that more people pass on Christmas day than any other, here’s a list of ten well-known people that left this world on the 25th of December.
George Michael
Dean Martin
Charlie Chaplin
James Brown
Eartha Kitt
Yoshihito
WC Fields
Jim ‘Motorhead’ Sherwood
Ray Illingworth
Janice Long
I chose those names from an extremely long list I found on the internet.
But this is not evidence that Christmas day is any more popular a day to die. I then search for folks that have passed on my birthday. The list was equally as long, as it would be for any date, though I was impressed to discover that George Gershwin left this world as I arrived!
So, although I’ve looked at this somewhat light-heartedly, the day and date we pass is nothing more than that. As far as I’m aware, we have no choice, if our passing is natural and not brought on by means of human intervention. The chances are extremely high that when you or I pop our clogs, someone will be a little annoyed that it was on their special day.
But as I end this article, perhaps for the fun of it, consider what day of the year you would choose to pass, if you had a say. For me, I think it would be on my birth date. That would save some money on the memorial plate!
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Dear Trevor, I had a similar situation once with a client of mine. She went into her dying process on December 6 and was still alive on Dec 21, 10.30pm. I suddenly realized that she had loved Christmas, we had celebrated Christmas on Dec 1 with her, and that she was probably holding out for 25. December. Her husband confirmed that she had once mentioned, that she wanted to pass on on Christmas day. I told him that I thought she wanted to pass on this day to ensure that she will never be forgotten, esp. by the little grandchildren. I suggested to him that he go into her room and promise her that she will never be forgotten and that he will show videos and fotos of her to their grandchildren every Christmas day forward. He should then tell her that it was ok and that she didn't have to hold on.
She passed 3 hours later, on the 22st, the darkest day of the year. She was taken out of the house after a 3 day wake, on the 25, during a solar eclipse, the darkest day of the year as well. It was a kind act of her husband.